Sausages for Breakfast?

We don´t often think of Germany a lot down in NZ. Mostly people instantly associate Germany with the war or wars, the only reference to Germany I can think of in our regular vocabulary is referring to the German measles and the German crash helmet. The latter, a term we use because someone in Germany thought it would be a good idea to design a combat helmet that looks exactly like a circumcised Penis. However, the influence that Germany has in the world and indeed NZ, penetrates a bit deeper than that. Indeed some of their influence is due to the early success Hitler had during WWII, controlling all of Continental Europe. One could only assume that if Hilter´s parents had not taught him how to play Risk as a child we would not see such a mark on the world from the Germans. Now the Germans do bring some pretty useful things to the planet as I will explain later but it is worth adding I am not so sure things would be all good if we were over Germanised.

So how would the world look if the Germans were running the show. Well firstly let us consider a few things that might be a touch better. It has to be said that the bread we eat would be considerably better, although the downside of that is we would have no decent spreads to put on it. Only b-grade jams not fit for an ant trap and chocolate which tastes good on everything so it is a bit of short cut for a solution. I am sure jelly tip ice cream would taste pretty good on toast too. It has to be said that the Germans are pretty good with the old sausage and you probably would probably be inclined to buy one every time you came out of Bunnings. We would also drive much better cars, that is a fact. The Germans are responsible for the Lions share of the worlds best cars. Mercedes, BMW, Porch, VW and Audi to name a few. Our roads would be good too because they would have to be able to cope with no speed limit and therefore gone are the days of speed camera fines. Forcing Helen to come up with so new strategies to fill the government coffers. Now this last one would affect me, because it´s all about personality, but it has to be said that Girls through out the world probably be better looking because the Aryan genes would have spread a little more throughout the world, although the guys would be a bit uglier because they all look like they have had their hair cut by Stevie Wonder.

Ok, so that is some of the positives what about the negatives, well first of all hairdressers would be forbidden to cut mens hair. All haircuts for men would be done by the Barber in Lego land. Which is what currently happens in Germany. Twice a year all Germans males head across the northern board into Denmark for a short back and sides from one of our yellow friends without opposable thumbs. Just terrible, it looks like every guy is part of a boy band. Next is the fashion, it would be made compulsory to where socks with sandals, which despite having the benefit of being somewhat comfortable is a fashion crime. A crime that should be outlawed in the world today. Even those in Scandinavia don't commit this fashion atrocity and when you bear in mind that they go clothes shopping blindfolded is quite a statement. Then there is the food, whist the amount of fried food available in Germany would be received well in the States. The options available when it comes to desert would not be. There really is not a desert item in Germany that would make the top 20 in any other country in the world. The German word for desert is ¨nach tiche¨which literally translated means ´after table´. In former times this is because Germans actually ate the table after dinner in order to harden their stomachs for their desert. The key problem is that most German deserts are coated in marzipan, which is the ultimate impostor of the desert table that comes to defile the ranks of anything that might have a chance of tasting good. Most parents throughout the world would be forced to think of a new strategy for getting their kids to eat their vegetables, the old ¨if you don´t finish you wont get pudding¨ would not cut the mustard. Perhaps ¨if you don´t finish I will make you eat your pudding would work better¨.

So if you don't like eating sausages for breakfast you can be thankful that Hitlers parents did not tell him when playing Risk ¨Adolf if you want to win, don´t attack Russia until you have complete control over Asia¨.